well one of the things i think makes me me, is im hardheaded. people think im full of shit when i say this. but i seem to be able to handle pain a different way then most people. From as a young lad watching my father, and from many years of football and matial arts, i got trained to take major pain and block it out to a point. i see and hear people get hurt and right from the get go they cant do anything cause there hurt. didnt see it happen, but with my dad after he crushed his hand. what i saw was a man who went on with everday life like nothing had happen.so when i get asked doctors what my pain scale is i dont know what to say.
they ask me right now pain its to be honset feels like a 2, but i know thats wrong. after i had brain surgery wasnt in alot of pain. people say cause they had you dopped uped i was for a little, but not long.
i have had done things to my body, that post people would be hooked on pain pills. i do hurt and hurt all the time. but i will not let any physical pain stop me from living.
in martial arts i have taken some good shots from some powerful people. but i keep wanting to know and feel more.
my biggest pain is that i lost my father when i was 13. he never got to see me grow up. my mother raised me the best she could, even though from her best efforts i never grew up.
I started growing up July 8th 1999, the day i gave meagan a back rub that went for 4 hours off and on.
Emotional i think i still got a long way to go, Meagans working on that.
We right now are going through some ruff issues, with this recent surery.
My emotion really start going the right way 4 years ago, when Nathan our nephew was born, right now he is smarter than most adults. earler this year went in to even more focus when sophia came in to the picture. Havent got to really get to know her yet, but i think with my sister amy as her mom shes going to know more about me lol.
dad always showed me never back down, when your hurt you move forward. meagan has showed me its ok to admit your human everynow and then.
Im haveing some inspiration my recovery. i see wife with out fail(unless we have something going on) go to the gym to make herself a better person for her. i love her more than live right now.
some of my closest inpirational people.
chuck connor with you being sober for so long that dedication is something i have always wanted
doni connor your love for you family, i have seen no other.
miranda and brian ackley from the times we have been together, yall are some of the best young parents i have ever seen
amy dekle and jason miller, again great exapmple of good solid parents, jason you love for amy makes me pround to hopefully call you brother one day.
mom. i know i have been a pain, but without getting to emotional im proud your my mom.
meagan dekle, from day one you have left me in amazement. you inspire me to be a better man. once im fully recovered we will both shock the world lol.
last but not least. my dad. your where taken away from me right when i needed ya. but as im growing older, i try to be like you, i know you wernt perfect, but even as a young boy i saw things that i still try to copy. no one will ever be my dad but do have a couple that are nice stand ins, One you know(uncle bill) and i think one you would have a ball with(chuck)
Now that i have gotten all this down. im going to try and sleep really hard with the stitches. but im so happy that christmas is comeing and we get to go home.
you know you really fined your friends out when something like this happens.
smile, laugh, live and love
David Wayne Dekle
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
ok
This shits getting me upset, cant sleep cause of the incession. Happy with a couple aspects though, my fingers hurttttttttttt. picked up jasmine today, shes so smooth sounding. second thing less than a week we will be in kansas for christmas. it bothers me though that, the only gift we can bring is ourselfs.
i am so restless, cant do anything but walk, and with the cold air that make asthma worse. its a sad day though i really found out my true friends during this trip through my head. and whats shocking they r younger than me.
Music wise jasmine has become my friend, my drill instructor making me wanna go til i cant move my hands.
thanks to my mom started reading a new book about roger staubauch. very good but like with the computer i cant hold it up or my head long enough before shoulders and incession start hurting.
LIFE WISE im trying not to eat bad food, but not watching quanity, cause having a sorta last run, cause as soon as these stitches come out its a whole different ball game. friend sent me a text about new heavy weight hes lifting, made me jealous he could be at gym to do this.
things changing next year will be me, guitar playing just need a friend who has time to jam, not charge me my first child and wont get frustrated.
live,laugh, love and smile
david dekle
i am so restless, cant do anything but walk, and with the cold air that make asthma worse. its a sad day though i really found out my true friends during this trip through my head. and whats shocking they r younger than me.
Music wise jasmine has become my friend, my drill instructor making me wanna go til i cant move my hands.
thanks to my mom started reading a new book about roger staubauch. very good but like with the computer i cant hold it up or my head long enough before shoulders and incession start hurting.
LIFE WISE im trying not to eat bad food, but not watching quanity, cause having a sorta last run, cause as soon as these stitches come out its a whole different ball game. friend sent me a text about new heavy weight hes lifting, made me jealous he could be at gym to do this.
things changing next year will be me, guitar playing just need a friend who has time to jam, not charge me my first child and wont get frustrated.
live,laugh, love and smile
david dekle
Sunday, December 12, 2010
well
been home a couple of days cant sleep, cant get comfy. not going to be the able to handle this time off if weather stays bad. the wind kills my asthma.
been really missing the feeling i get when i work out, the feeling of actually doing something productive, i wanna start working on music, but cant find my guitair tuner any the where. and one of people i wanted to try and help me has prioritys, so i dont want to inpeed on them with the holidays. i wanna start working out slowly but head starts bothing me. but i will still comitt to the vow i will be a different man by this time next year. i will not put my family through this shit again, high powers willing. my mind is set. i dont know how its going to happen. but it will.
all for now
smile, live laugh and love
daVID
been really missing the feeling i get when i work out, the feeling of actually doing something productive, i wanna start working on music, but cant find my guitair tuner any the where. and one of people i wanted to try and help me has prioritys, so i dont want to inpeed on them with the holidays. i wanna start working out slowly but head starts bothing me. but i will still comitt to the vow i will be a different man by this time next year. i will not put my family through this shit again, high powers willing. my mind is set. i dont know how its going to happen. but it will.
all for now
smile, live laugh and love
daVID
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
well day 3
well day 3 in hospital, surgery went well got some werid contion that only 220 other report cases. bored and lonley miss my wife and my guitar, i wanna play but got tubes all in my hands. i know i told meagan to go home save some time for revisits and trip for christmas i still miss her. it made me feel so much better when she laid beside me in bed.
to bad cant go home to at least friday, but i am happy the hard parts over.
smile, live lauch and love
david dekle
to bad cant go home to at least friday, but i am happy the hard parts over.
smile, live lauch and love
david dekle
Sunday, December 5, 2010
todays the day
well tonight we will be leaving for dallas to get ready for my surgery tomorrow. really and truelly finally hit me this weekend, im nervoues as shit. but got to much left to do in my life, so ill be back. I vow that after this i will do my best to be a better man through out everything in my life. i,once i get realased by doctor, will be in the gym all the time. im so tired of this size i am. im tired of being sick, so glad this years almost done.
people aslways ask me why im still at my job, i know i get payed crapy for what do i when, with the medical isses i have had this year. THey have payed for a lot. i am truely blessed with one of the best insurance companys.
well thanks to all for the prayers, yall keep them up need them for a few more days lol.
well im out of here, will be trying to get on the puter sometime while im in the hospital so i can give some report from the actual patiant.
SMILE,LIVE,LAUGH, and LOVE
David Dekle
people aslways ask me why im still at my job, i know i get payed crapy for what do i when, with the medical isses i have had this year. THey have payed for a lot. i am truely blessed with one of the best insurance companys.
well thanks to all for the prayers, yall keep them up need them for a few more days lol.
well im out of here, will be trying to get on the puter sometime while im in the hospital so i can give some report from the actual patiant.
SMILE,LIVE,LAUGH, and LOVE
David Dekle
Saturday, November 27, 2010
alright im back
ok down to little more than a week before my surgery, nervous as hell, but cant wait. ever ones coming down likeboth moms and my aunt. just going to miss the money
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
update
quick little update, go in tomorrow (well today) for consult with surgeon. so thank god the balls rolling, now. just want to get everything done now
smile , live laugh and love
david dekle
smile , live laugh and love
david dekle
well need to get this off my chest
well i dont know what it is, could be (no offenice ladys) all the bad women i have been with in my life. But the only way i know how to show my affection is in the bedroom. All ways been told (sorry mom) i have a high sex drive for my age, but here lately with this brain tumor thing, even with the sex drive im cant fuction. i meen its working just body dont. i maybe worried and stressed about this, but thats never really stopped me before. I love my wife with all my heart, but for some dumb reason i think i can only show her how i really feel about her is in the bed room. I mean this is the only woman that when she is hurt, cry, or mad. im effected by it. When shes hurt, i would and will do anything to stop it. When shes crying i would and will be here shoulder. and even if its me, or i didnt do anything wrong if she is mad i will say im sorry.
i know sometimes im not the best hubby in the world but i try.
dont get me wrong ways raised by one of the strongest women i know. but she was new at being the only parent when my father died. so she tryied to be a parent and a friend, so never got that male view on how to show women affection and things.
i know meagans going some things to with this medical issue. being the only bread winner till we get it taken care of. thats why i dont mined cooking and cleaning up. this year alots been asked of her. to her credit she has taken everything with out saying a word. just wish her family was close to her so she would have someone to talk to. dont know if she would talk to me about all this. i think she has the idea i would think she was being selfish. but i wouldnt. this has been a ruff year for us, me health wise her emotion wise.
just wish i could not be going through this. i know im not but sometimes i feel alone. i know meagan is there for me not matter what buti dont want to put to much on her. to me just going through another freaking surgery is enuff on her plate.
just in the last 2 years i have found family, i didnt know i had, cousins that have never met me wishing and worrying about me.
i am so impatient when it comes to things i need done to me. i have watched enough tv and know that a surgery on the brain takes a game plan, i thats what i want, but kept in the loop.
Hope i didnt ofend any
i know sometimes im not the best hubby in the world but i try.
dont get me wrong ways raised by one of the strongest women i know. but she was new at being the only parent when my father died. so she tryied to be a parent and a friend, so never got that male view on how to show women affection and things.
i know meagans going some things to with this medical issue. being the only bread winner till we get it taken care of. thats why i dont mined cooking and cleaning up. this year alots been asked of her. to her credit she has taken everything with out saying a word. just wish her family was close to her so she would have someone to talk to. dont know if she would talk to me about all this. i think she has the idea i would think she was being selfish. but i wouldnt. this has been a ruff year for us, me health wise her emotion wise.
just wish i could not be going through this. i know im not but sometimes i feel alone. i know meagan is there for me not matter what buti dont want to put to much on her. to me just going through another freaking surgery is enuff on her plate.
just in the last 2 years i have found family, i didnt know i had, cousins that have never met me wishing and worrying about me.
i am so impatient when it comes to things i need done to me. i have watched enough tv and know that a surgery on the brain takes a game plan, i thats what i want, but kept in the loop.
Hope i didnt ofend any
long frusraiting productive day
Well had a first visit with surgeron at UT SOUTHWEST. Dr. Bruce Micky dont wish this issues on anyone. but if you every have this issue this is the man to see. He is one of the most patient friendly dr. i know.
Well the bad parts of today, went to this appointment thinking that he had everything(no one every told me different). so when we finally get in cause he had surgery. he does all of the standerd test, for balance and so on then he tells me that he can only go over the report with me since the films didnt get sent. so as frustraited as i was this was a big blow. so he goes over the report, tells me to start slowly droping of the meds. cause they will end up doing more damage then good. tells me that the tumor is 6cm long(thats almost 2.5 inch). big he did say that the surgery has to happen but is not as urgent as the waco dr. say. cause you look at one fact if you take something as big as 6cm and throw it in your head your going to be sick. so it has to be slow growing or i would be sicker than i am.
so he released me back to work, and driving. now tomorrow is going to be really busy. got get those scans to him, deal with short term insurance people.
Back to the gym tomorrow, want to spend like 4 hours there, take my time.
did get to have dinner with some very special friends that moved from kansas, we lost touch for awhile but am so glad we got in contact. BY THE WAY GREAT DINNER KATHY.
Long ride home tonight. Damn MEagans a trooper,wish she could open up about what shes going through.
shes trying to be strong, but makes me feel better if i knew she was worried to.
I really dont know where i would be with out her, when she came into my life i never thought i could love someone this much. shes been through alot with me. and i pray that it never but if this kind of things start happening to her i hope i can be half as strong as shes being now. guess that comes from her mother, besides my mom< Doni Connor is one of the strongest women i know. for one big reason, have seen alot of stuff happen to her, but have never seen her give on anything.
and another good point she loves me even though i took her baby 8 hours away.
Well going to run for now.
Thanks to all for prayers and support,we are at least to basicly set the surgery time. i should here from him by friday, then have more of a positive plan.
SMILE, LIVE, LAUGH AND LOVE
Bleased be to all
DAvid
Well the bad parts of today, went to this appointment thinking that he had everything(no one every told me different). so when we finally get in cause he had surgery. he does all of the standerd test, for balance and so on then he tells me that he can only go over the report with me since the films didnt get sent. so as frustraited as i was this was a big blow. so he goes over the report, tells me to start slowly droping of the meds. cause they will end up doing more damage then good. tells me that the tumor is 6cm long(thats almost 2.5 inch). big he did say that the surgery has to happen but is not as urgent as the waco dr. say. cause you look at one fact if you take something as big as 6cm and throw it in your head your going to be sick. so it has to be slow growing or i would be sicker than i am.
so he released me back to work, and driving. now tomorrow is going to be really busy. got get those scans to him, deal with short term insurance people.
Back to the gym tomorrow, want to spend like 4 hours there, take my time.
did get to have dinner with some very special friends that moved from kansas, we lost touch for awhile but am so glad we got in contact. BY THE WAY GREAT DINNER KATHY.
Long ride home tonight. Damn MEagans a trooper,wish she could open up about what shes going through.
shes trying to be strong, but makes me feel better if i knew she was worried to.
I really dont know where i would be with out her, when she came into my life i never thought i could love someone this much. shes been through alot with me. and i pray that it never but if this kind of things start happening to her i hope i can be half as strong as shes being now. guess that comes from her mother, besides my mom< Doni Connor is one of the strongest women i know. for one big reason, have seen alot of stuff happen to her, but have never seen her give on anything.
and another good point she loves me even though i took her baby 8 hours away.
Well going to run for now.
Thanks to all for prayers and support,we are at least to basicly set the surgery time. i should here from him by friday, then have more of a positive plan.
SMILE, LIVE, LAUGH AND LOVE
Bleased be to all
DAvid
Monday, November 1, 2010
update
quick little update, go in tomorrow (well today) for consult with surgeon. so thank god the balls rolling, now. just want to get everything done now
smile , live laugh and love
david dekle
smile , live laugh and love
david dekle
well
this first one, and will blog again later. but another day starting off in limbo waitng on the doc. im so nuts.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
well fucking crap
spent 20 min. typing something on this damn laptop, and it all vanished. well here we go again.
well long story short.
i dont know what the deal is either with(sorry ladys) the bad women i have run into or what but the only way i know how to show affection to my wife is (sorry mom and doni) in the bedroom. All ways been told i have a high sex drive for my age. I mean here friends that are my age who are happy with once in awhile. well for some reason im not. Dont get me wrong was raised by one of the strongest women i know. Mom did the best she could being a parent to 2 kids when my dad died. but never had a male rollmodel.
Meagan i have found out is the only woman i know that when shes hurt,i want to help here, she mad, i want to say im sorry(even if im not to blame),crying im am and will be the shoulder she lays her head on. just would love to be the one she talks to when she is stressed. I thinks she believes i will feel shes being selfish, but i wont. she has had a very hard year. Three surgerys is alot for a spouse to watch her hubby go through.
just want her to realize that i know shes going through alot. being that she is very family person wish they where closer for her.
wish i really new how to show her what she means to me. if i i could write music or poems, most would be about her.
One of my fav. music people is SULLY ERNA, leadsinger of godsmack. and he has just relesed a solo album that took him 7 years to finish.
he is a wiccan in fact high up in the realigon, but in alot of his interviews he is always saying dont follow one direction, keep your mind open to al pathes. his solo cd is like that.
He wrote a song about his 9 year old daughter. MY LIGHT is one of the greatest songs i have heard in along time. there alot of the lyrics of that song that express the way i feel about meagan.
One thing about of thats going on i can say i understand why people become drunks. i would love to go to a diffent place in my mined.
So i thank my mom for instiling me, and for meagan pushing the will power on me to not go that direction.
here we go yall can see for yourselfs
MY LIGHT BY SULLY ERNA
Here I am,
What a nice place to be,
I never thought I’d see the skies seperate for me,
And here I am,
What a nice surprise,
If only I had known what life was like on this side.
You always bring me life
And you helped me find my way,
A gentle kiss good night,
Is the innocence i pray.
Here i am,
Humbled and amazed,
This beautiful little miracle of life,
Was gifted to me.
And here I am,
I never thought I’d say,
If ever I could live my life again,
I’d live it your way.
You’ve always brought me life
And you’ve helped me find my way,
A simple kiss good night is the innocence I crave,
I’d never waste your time,
I’ll never cause you pain.
I’ll love you all my life,
I’ll love you everyday.
(Yeah, Yeah. Love you everyday!)
(solo)
Under the light you shine on me,
I prosime I will be there for you baby,
(I never wanna leave you anyway, youve become my light)
I cross my heart thats in your hands,
That i hope you will always be my best friend.
I promise I will be there ’til the end.
You’ve become my light.
You’ve become my light.
You’ve become my light.
You’ve become my light.
You’ve become my light.
Under the light you shine on me,
I promise I will be there for you baby,
(I never wanna leave you anyway, youve become my light)
Cross my heart that’s in your hands,
And hope that you’ll always be my best friend,
I promise I will be there ’til the end,
You’ve become my light.
You’ve become my light.
You’ve become my light.
You’ve become my light.
You’ve become my light.
You’ve become my light.
well long story short.
i dont know what the deal is either with(sorry ladys) the bad women i have run into or what but the only way i know how to show affection to my wife is (sorry mom and doni) in the bedroom. All ways been told i have a high sex drive for my age. I mean here friends that are my age who are happy with once in awhile. well for some reason im not. Dont get me wrong was raised by one of the strongest women i know. Mom did the best she could being a parent to 2 kids when my dad died. but never had a male rollmodel.
Meagan i have found out is the only woman i know that when shes hurt,i want to help here, she mad, i want to say im sorry(even if im not to blame),crying im am and will be the shoulder she lays her head on. just would love to be the one she talks to when she is stressed. I thinks she believes i will feel shes being selfish, but i wont. she has had a very hard year. Three surgerys is alot for a spouse to watch her hubby go through.
just want her to realize that i know shes going through alot. being that she is very family person wish they where closer for her.
wish i really new how to show her what she means to me. if i i could write music or poems, most would be about her.
One of my fav. music people is SULLY ERNA, leadsinger of godsmack. and he has just relesed a solo album that took him 7 years to finish.
he is a wiccan in fact high up in the realigon, but in alot of his interviews he is always saying dont follow one direction, keep your mind open to al pathes. his solo cd is like that.
He wrote a song about his 9 year old daughter. MY LIGHT is one of the greatest songs i have heard in along time. there alot of the lyrics of that song that express the way i feel about meagan.
One thing about of thats going on i can say i understand why people become drunks. i would love to go to a diffent place in my mined.
So i thank my mom for instiling me, and for meagan pushing the will power on me to not go that direction.
here we go yall can see for yourselfs
MY LIGHT BY SULLY ERNA
Here I am,
What a nice place to be,
I never thought I’d see the skies seperate for me,
And here I am,
What a nice surprise,
If only I had known what life was like on this side.
You always bring me life
And you helped me find my way,
A gentle kiss good night,
Is the innocence i pray.
Here i am,
Humbled and amazed,
This beautiful little miracle of life,
Was gifted to me.
And here I am,
I never thought I’d say,
If ever I could live my life again,
I’d live it your way.
You’ve always brought me life
And you’ve helped me find my way,
A simple kiss good night is the innocence I crave,
I’d never waste your time,
I’ll never cause you pain.
I’ll love you all my life,
I’ll love you everyday.
(Yeah, Yeah. Love you everyday!)
(solo)
Under the light you shine on me,
I prosime I will be there for you baby,
(I never wanna leave you anyway, youve become my light)
I cross my heart thats in your hands,
That i hope you will always be my best friend.
I promise I will be there ’til the end.
You’ve become my light.
You’ve become my light.
You’ve become my light.
You’ve become my light.
You’ve become my light.
Under the light you shine on me,
I promise I will be there for you baby,
(I never wanna leave you anyway, youve become my light)
Cross my heart that’s in your hands,
And hope that you’ll always be my best friend,
I promise I will be there ’til the end,
You’ve become my light.
You’ve become my light.
You’ve become my light.
You’ve become my light.
You’ve become my light.
You’ve become my light.
latest update
Well got a hold of ut southwest finally, all they could tell me is that my cases was still being reviewed. so could be next week. so still stuck in libo, with this.
on weight issue, starting gaining again. driving me nuts i cant workout, its really hard trying not to eat alot, but when your a bored eater its hard. strumming the guitairworks but can only do so much. pain gghets to my fingers.
i do some walking but i can tell i havent in awhile, cardio is getting bad.
smile , live, laugh and love
bored out of my mind
david
on weight issue, starting gaining again. driving me nuts i cant workout, its really hard trying not to eat alot, but when your a bored eater its hard. strumming the guitairworks but can only do so much. pain gghets to my fingers.
i do some walking but i can tell i havent in awhile, cardio is getting bad.
smile , live, laugh and love
bored out of my mind
david
Thursday, October 28, 2010
well day 4
well was getting all excited yesterday, got a phone call from ut. southwest, but the normal guy that reviews the cases has been out all day cause he was sick. so they said they would call . today.
i know i need to be patient, but so woried about haveing this time off with out getting full paychecks but meagan are finding out how wonderfully some of our friends are.
well once i find out more i will post, my butt hurts.
just want to say. ANTLERS AND CLAWS up fans. the Texas boys need the fan support
smile, live, laugh and love
David
i know i need to be patient, but so woried about haveing this time off with out getting full paychecks but meagan are finding out how wonderfully some of our friends are.
well once i find out more i will post, my butt hurts.
just want to say. ANTLERS AND CLAWS up fans. the Texas boys need the fan support
smile, live, laugh and love
David
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
the newest scare
well thought i should do this one more time. Im still losing weight, down under 270(yeah), still trying to learn guitar. ok now to the reason for the relaunching of the blog.
Well if you havent seen facebook since sat. you out of the loop so here goes.
Well have been having headache issues off and on for a while, if you know me i just blew it off as my allergies or sinus. well friday it got so bad that i was dizzy and Fest. well since i was runnning a fever doc wantted to do a ct scan so we could rule out mengities(sp) which he said if we found nothing on ct would have to do lunbar puctioner. i was like great a test happy doc. (for which later im thankfull for) Well me bacscly several hours later he cam back said its not mengities,whew but he said there is a mass in your head. so right then everthing bad started running thru my head. he then said next mri. well that took severl hours to do. did the first set of pics. then the pain came back. couldnt lay in mri.well they sent up some pain meds. and finally got those taken. when results came back he said he was on phone with a nero. doc about the pics. well its a tumor. but it looks ok just needs to be removed so go see him monday.
well we got to go to trf, so come monday went to neuro. he told us it needs to come out, he could tell that it doesnt look bad(cancer) but told us you really cant tell till you get in there.
so thats where we are at now. i cant work,drive, so bored out of my mind. im scared but ok, dont think i could handle this with out MYLIGHT. she is the one true thing keeping me sorta sane.well will update when i get more info.
Smile, Live,Laugh and Love
David
Thanks Surlly Erna, your new cd is an insporation
Well if you havent seen facebook since sat. you out of the loop so here goes.
Well have been having headache issues off and on for a while, if you know me i just blew it off as my allergies or sinus. well friday it got so bad that i was dizzy and Fest. well since i was runnning a fever doc wantted to do a ct scan so we could rule out mengities(sp) which he said if we found nothing on ct would have to do lunbar puctioner. i was like great a test happy doc. (for which later im thankfull for) Well me bacscly several hours later he cam back said its not mengities,whew but he said there is a mass in your head. so right then everthing bad started running thru my head. he then said next mri. well that took severl hours to do. did the first set of pics. then the pain came back. couldnt lay in mri.well they sent up some pain meds. and finally got those taken. when results came back he said he was on phone with a nero. doc about the pics. well its a tumor. but it looks ok just needs to be removed so go see him monday.
well we got to go to trf, so come monday went to neuro. he told us it needs to come out, he could tell that it doesnt look bad(cancer) but told us you really cant tell till you get in there.
so thats where we are at now. i cant work,drive, so bored out of my mind. im scared but ok, dont think i could handle this with out MYLIGHT. she is the one true thing keeping me sorta sane.well will update when i get more info.
Smile, Live,Laugh and Love
David
Thanks Surlly Erna, your new cd is an insporation
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