well need to get this off my chest

well i dont know what it is, could be (no offenice ladys) all the bad women i have been with in my life. But the only way i know how to show my affection is in the bedroom. All ways been told (sorry mom) i have a high sex drive for my age, but here lately with this brain tumor thing, even with the sex drive im cant fuction. i meen its working just body dont. i maybe worried and stressed about this, but thats never really stopped me before.  I love my wife with all my heart, but for some dumb reason i think i can only show her how i really feel about her is in the bed room. I mean this is the only woman that when she is hurt, cry, or mad. im effected by it. When shes hurt, i would and will do anything to stop it. When shes crying i would and will be here shoulder. and even if its me, or i didnt do anything wrong if she is mad i will say im sorry.
i know sometimes im not the best hubby in the world but i try.
dont get me wrong ways raised by one of the strongest women i know. but she was new at being the only parent when my father died. so she tryied to be a parent and a friend, so never got that male view on how to show women affection and things.
i know meagans going some things to with this medical issue. being the only bread winner till we get it taken care of. thats why i dont mined cooking and cleaning up. this year alots been asked of her. to her credit she has taken everything with out saying a word. just wish her family was close to her so she would have someone to talk to. dont know if she would talk to me about all this. i think she has the idea  i would think she was being selfish. but i wouldnt. this has been a ruff year for us, me health wise her emotion wise.
just wish i could not be going through this. i know im not but sometimes i feel alone. i know meagan is there for me not matter what buti dont want to put to much on her. to me just going through another freaking surgery is enuff on her plate.
just in the last 2 years i have found family, i didnt know i had,  cousins that have never met me wishing and worrying about me.

i am so impatient when it comes to things i need done to me. i have watched enough tv and know that a surgery on the brain takes a game plan, i thats what i want, but kept in the loop.

Hope i didnt ofend any