well fucking crap

spent 20 min. typing something on this damn laptop, and it all vanished. well here we go again.
well long story short.
i dont know what the deal is either with(sorry ladys) the bad women i have run into or what but the only way i know how to show affection to my wife is (sorry mom and doni) in the bedroom. All ways been told i have a high sex drive for my age. I mean here friends that are my age who are happy with once in awhile. well for some reason im not. Dont get me wrong was raised by one of the strongest women i know. Mom did the best she could being a parent to 2 kids when my dad died. but never had a male rollmodel.
Meagan i have found out is the only woman i know that when shes hurt,i want to help here, she mad, i want to say im sorry(even if im not to blame),crying im am and will be the shoulder she lays her head on. just would love to be the one she talks to when she is stressed. I thinks she believes i will feel shes being selfish, but i wont. she has had a very hard year. Three surgerys is alot for a spouse to watch her hubby go through.
just want her to realize that i know shes going through alot. being that she is very family person wish they where closer for her.
wish i really new how to show her what she means to me. if i i could write music or poems, most would be about her.
One of my fav. music people is SULLY ERNA, leadsinger of godsmack. and he has just relesed a solo album that took him 7 years to finish.
he is a wiccan in fact high up in the realigon, but in alot of his interviews he is always saying dont follow one direction, keep your mind open to al pathes. his solo cd is like that.
He wrote a song about his 9 year old daughter. MY LIGHT is one of the greatest songs i have heard in along time. there alot of the lyrics of that song that express the way i feel about meagan.
One thing about of thats going on i can say i understand why people become drunks. i would love to go to a diffent place in my mined.
So i thank my mom for instiling me, and for meagan pushing the will power on me to not go that direction.

 here we go yall can see for yourselfs

MY LIGHT BY SULLY ERNA

Here I am,
What a nice place to be,
I never thought I’d see the skies seperate for me,
And here I am,
What a nice surprise,
If only I had known what life was like on this side.
You always bring me life
And you helped me find my way,
A gentle kiss good night,
Is the innocence i pray.
Here i am,
Humbled and amazed,
This beautiful little miracle of life,
Was gifted to me.
And here I am,
I never thought I’d say,
If ever I could live my life again,
I’d live it your way.
You’ve always brought me life
And you’ve helped me find my way,
A simple kiss good night is the innocence I crave,
I’d never waste your time,
I’ll never cause you pain.
I’ll love you all my life,
I’ll love you everyday.
(Yeah, Yeah. Love you everyday!)
(solo)
Under the light you shine on me,
I prosime I will be there for you baby,
(I never wanna leave you anyway, youve become my light)
I cross my heart thats in your hands,
That i hope you will always be my best friend.
I promise I will be there ’til the end.
You’ve become my light.
You’ve become my light.
You’ve become my light.
You’ve become my light.
You’ve become my light.
Under the light you shine on me,
I promise I will be there for you baby,
(I never wanna leave you anyway, youve become my light)
Cross my heart that’s in your hands,
And hope that you’ll always be my best friend,
I promise I will be there ’til the end,
You’ve become my light.
You’ve become my light.
You’ve become my light.
You’ve become my light.
You’ve become my light.
You’ve become my light.